Where are the Cool Kids Now? The Problem With Popularity
Photo by Adam McCoid on Unsplash
Greetings Fellow Travelers,
Have you ever reminisced on your school days and wondered what ever happened to the cool kids?
Most of us have.
As a child, I had a close group of quirky friends, but I didn’t run with the popular crowd. Now, as an adult, I consider that crew my adhoc family. They are the godparents to our children and the people I can unpack the complexities of the every day without giving the backstory - because that is a shared narrative we wrote together.
Today, as a mom of two boys, a common sentence stem is, “Let me tell you about this cool research study I was just reading.” Such proclamations often elicit the obligatory eye rolls, but they do listen. Their attentiveness may be because I tend to drop these requests while driving, limiting their options for an exit plan, an effective strategy for keeping them in the game.
But, I think there is value in these sharings, for it is not me, the mom, doling out advice, but the findings of another researcher, offering a treetop perspective on something pertinent to my boys’ lives.
Over the weekend, I opened with, “Think of the most popular kids at school. Not the ones everyone likes necessarily, but the people who wield their social prowess to garner power. Where do you think they will be in ten years?”
Then I launched into this …
Where are the Cool Kids Now?
Researchers Allen, Schad, Oudekerk, and Chango from the University of Virginia wanted to know where the cool kids would be in ten years, so they devised a longitudinal study in which they recruited 183 children from a public school in the Southwest, starting at age 13 (seventh and eighth grade) and followed them until they turned 23. The group was diverse racially, ethnically, and socioeconomically, with parents reporting a median household outcome between $40,000 - $59,999. There was very little attrition, with 95% of participants remaining in the study for the full 10-year duration.
The findings were fascinating.
At the onset of the study, the researchers identified a group of students they described as “pseudomature.” These were the kids often referred to as the “populars.” These pseudomature students shared three standout characteristics:
Exhibited minor delinquent behaviors (drinking, smoking, shoplifting, etc.)
Pursued “Precocious” romantic involvement (early dating)
Placed a high value on physical appearance when picking friends
These characteristics, however, turned out not just to highlight the superficialities that awash adolescents but were predictors of low social competence as adults. In other words, ten years later, these “populars” struggled to initiate healthy social interactions, maintain authentic friendships, and negotiate typical social conflicts. They were also more likely to engage in criminal behavior and abuse drugs and alcohol.
Why?
One hypothesis is the Cumulative Continuity Theory, in which behaviors we become accustomed to engaging in become habitual, continuing and expanding throughout our lifetime. As it relates to kids who were “pseudomature” as teens, their defining behaviors become detrimental as they age. In addition, their preoccupation with status-seeking as kids prevents them from developing the compassion and pro-social skills required for effective problem-solving, authentic relationships, and a deeper understandings of self.
For example, rule-breaking, early dating, and hanging out with “good-looking” people helps to garner social power while in school. However, though such behaviors may make a person appear “mature” at age 13, they lose their appeal as the kids around the “populars” start to develop real maturity.
In addition, when status-seeking becomes a habitual barometer for making friends and selecting romantic partners, those relationships tend to be shallow and short-term. Unfortunately, when these “past populars” reflect on their relationship breakdowns in adulthood, they misattribute the problem to their declining social status instead of recognizing how their insufficient interpersonal skills and superficial intent roadblock real and sustained connection.
Interestingly, as it pertains to substance abuse, the researchers found it was not just the early use of alcohol and drugs that led to later problems but the constellation of all of the pseudomature behaviors, for when kids prioritize social status over all other endeavors, it prevents them from engaging in more genuine aspirations that bring lasting happiness such as service, intellectual growth, and authentic friendships.
In closing, this is all to say, it’s impactful for parents, mentors, and teachers to encourage teens to identify and reflect upon what they value most, discussing how this lens will shape their views and experiences in the world as they grow into adulthood (I just suggest having the conversion in the car).
Two Read
Two of my favorite reads this week were:
Are You Being Quiet Fired? by Ayalla Ruvio and Forrest Morgeson
The Season of Dark Academia by Pamela Paul
Book Talk
This past week, I read I’m Thinking of Ending This by Iain Reid, also a movie on Netflix (though I haven’t seen it). Library Journal had this to say, “In this dark and compelling…unputdownable literary thriller, debut novelist Iain Reid explores the depths of the human psyche, questioning consciousness, free will, the value of relationships, fear, and the limitations of solitude.”
Writing Invitation
Find a comfy chair and drift back to your middle school days, reflecting upon the social dynamics of seventh grade. Then write your thirteen-year-old self a love letter, sharing with him or her all of the things you wish he or she knew during those tumultuous days of teenage angst fully on display each day in the cafeteria.
Reach Out With Questions and Ideas
I love hearing from readers, so please reach out to say hello, ask questions, or tell me what you would like for me to write about next ~ dorothysuskind@gmail.com
Sincerely ~ Dorothy (Who is now reading Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata)