Catch and Release: The Power of Daily Written Reflection
Photo by Thabet Studio on Unsplash
With the New Year upon us, there is a promise of fresh beginnings circling in the treetops, a whispering welcome to enter a space that once belonged to you but somehow disappeared below the dirt line as the daydreams of childhood faded and work and family life proffered a new reality.
But today, I want to look backwards and discover what is holding me down and then turn toward the sun and remember what I have buried in the bottom of my purse, sitting there waiting to be reclaimed by possibility.
As a writer and researcher, I am naturally reflective. It is an occupational hazard baked into habit. If you need proof, just peruse my home office, where my Leuchtturm1917 daybooks wallpaper the shelves, decades of stories told in chicken scratch few could decipher, not even my own flock.
The beginning of each daybook begins with the same ritual. On the front cover, in black permanent marker, I write my last name in the far right corner, followed by the day’s date. My inside sharings have a similar pattern, each entry opening with the day’s date, the exact time to the minute, and the precise location of the recording.
Keeping a journal, or a daybook as I call it, a nod to the late Don Murray (2004), invites me to be an archivist of my own life, capturing the moments that will surely be abandoned by memory if not written down. My daybook is also a magic trick of sorts, for the most surprising noticings hit the page when I take the time to excavate my mind. For me, the act of putting words on paper is not about sharing my understandings but unraveling the mysteries of what is yet to be discovered. In this sense, I write to know, not to show.
I may stumble upon the revelation on the day of the recording, surprised by what my spirit remembered that my mind missed. Or the discovery may lay dormant, only years later revealing how the afternoon basketball game, morning coffee shop conversation, or classroom discussion (all of which may have appeared mundane on the day of their making) offered insights into who I am, what I value, and the simple scenes where joy presented itself fully. For both you and I are continuously “becoming,” each year revealing a modified version of self.
As the calendar year flips, I make a practice of rereading my past, revisiting the previous year in full, and then popping into random offerings from past decades that call my name from their placement on the shelf. The practice offers a type of reveal, only available to those willing to relive their earlier chapters, and inside that rewind, a plethora of possibilities avail themselves to me.
One of my favorite offerings is the invitation to Catch and Release, a practice of reading to discover what I want to Catch and keep from the previous year and what to relinquish because its usefulness has waned or perhaps it never held much value to begin with but just got temporarily stuck in my storyline.
What to Catch?
This year, when I revisited my earlier chapters, one thing in particular captured my minds-eye: Animals. Throughout my lifetime, two ponies, six horses, three dogs, and one ball python have taken up residence on my lifeline, each one offering a comfort narrative, transporting me out of a chaotic childhood and providing an escape door to the complexities of adult life. Today, for the first time, there is no dog, no pony, no horse, and no python to talk to, and their absence has created an imminent void, for I have always preferred animals to people. So, I am on the search for a stable, where I can find that part of me again. Most horseback riders will tell you that inside a barn, a type of symbiosis emerges, as we surrender our egos in the mud and commit to a union, man and beast, a quiet friendship that offers a type of salvation not possible in the bustle of city life.
What to Release?
Talk about forgiveness often flutters around the discussions flanking the new year, and though I am certainly not here to profess a morality lesson, in my own experience and faith journey, conversations about Release prove far more consequential, requiring more action and less existential crisis. To Release something or someone can be done without anger or harsh judgment, for you are simply lightening your heart.
For me, I envision the person or thing I need to Release connected to me by a rope, intertwining our narratives together. To break free, I simply write a letter, that will only be read by me, explaining that I am disconnecting (perhaps from a person - who causes far more pain than peace - or a habit that no longer serves my well-being). In this letter, I make sure to acknowledge the lessons the past connection has taught me, and with compassion and understanding, explain my intent to walk away. Nobody else needs to know about the breakup, for so much of it happens internally and likely will never be noticeable to those in my circle. For in the physical world, I may still see this person every day, the difference now being, I am no longer hooked by their behaviors or tied to their outcomes.
Since our bodies can only be connected to so much at a time, when we let go of one rope we free up the strength to pick up another. In this sense, Catching and Releasing are intricately connected, releasing one thing allows us the energy to catch something else.
In Closing
As you enter this new year, I invite you to keep a daybook, carry it in your bag, and make a practice of recording your days. Become amazed by the surprises that hit the page as you give yourself a new lens for looking at and understanding your surroundings. And then, as the months pass and another year approaches its closing time, look back at your reflections and decide what to Catch and cast into the next year and what to Release, making space for you to breathe in a brand new room you can’t even begin to imagine today.
References
Murray, D. M. (2004). Reading what I haven't written. New England Reading Association Journal, 40(1), 8-9.
Two Read
This week I read:
Book Lovers by Emily Henry
"Charming, earnest, and clever, Book Lovers is Schitt's Creek for book nerds. A total delight for anyone who's ever secretly rooted for the career girl in a Hallmark movie. Nobody does it quite like Emily Henry.” ~ Casey McQuiston, New York Times bestselling author of One Last Stop
The Sweetest Fruits by Monique Truong
"Mesmerizing . . . Truong focuses on the mostly neglected women in Hearn’s life, imagining the struggles and sorrows of his mother, and, looking at him through the eyes of his two wives, imparts searing counterpoints to the iconic Hearn . . . In going beyond the knowable and guiding us through the imaginable, Truong takes the measure of the man through his women in coruscating prose." ~ Jeff Kingston, Los Angeles Review of Books
Participate in the Study
As a researcher, one of my current Narrative Inquiry studies invites targets of workplace abuse to share the story of how they were bullied and reflect on how that experience impacted their sense of belonging to their work community and their sense of belonging to themselves. If you would like to participate anonymously in this study, please click on this LINK. I have my university’s IRB approval to do this work.
Reach Out With Questions and Ideas
I love hearing from readers, so please don’t hesitate to reach out to say hello, ask questions, or suggest topics for me to write about next ~ dorothysuskind@gmail.com.